


One Day

by pierrot



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sex Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:22:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28382412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pierrot/pseuds/pierrot
Summary: Chenle talks to Kun about what's been on his mind lately.
Relationships: Qian Kun/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 9
Kudos: 48





	One Day

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains explicit discussion of oral sex, but no actual sex.

“If I tell you something weird, will you promise not to judge me?”

Kun’s surprised. Chenle rarely needs encouragement to share his thoughts. He’s seemingly immune to feeling shame, and less concerned with any consequences to his honesty than he is with being the truest version of himself. Just the fact that he felt it necessary to ask almost has Kun feeling worried.

“It’s not something really gross, is it?” Kun jokes.

Chenle shakes his head. “It isn’t gross. It’s not really something weird either, I don’t think, it’s just…”

He pauses, head tilting to one side as though he’s trying to figure out how best to express himself.

“Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it would feel like to suck someone’s dick.”

Kun freezes. In that moment, it’s as though the ground has disappeared from under him.

“You…”

“You promised me you wouldn’t judge!”

“I’m not, it’s just— _Chenle_.”

The full force of what Chenle said catches up to Kun suddenly, and he panics. He feels compelled to look around and check that no one could possibly be listening to them, even though they’re alone in Chenle’s bedroom with the door firmly shut.

He supposes now he understands why Chenle locked it when they came in.

“Breathe, Kun.” Chenle places his hands firmly on Kun’s shoulders and Kun tries not flinch. “Just relax, okay? It’s not that big a deal.”

As the initial wave of shock subsides, shame starts to creep in. “No, of course it’s now. I’m sorry, Chenle, it’s just…” Kun’s breathing evens and his shoulders drop. “Did you have to phrase it like that?”

Chenle laughs. “Sorry, sorry. It’s too fun to see you get so worked up. I couldn’t help myself.”

His hands slip away from Kun’s shoulders and he settles back into his original position on the bed. Kun takes a steadying breath before turning to face him, ready now to respond appropriately.

“So,” he says, swallowing deeply, “you think you might be… into guys?”

Chenle’s expression barely shifts, only the softer pout of his lips giving hint of his uncertainty. “I don’t know about that,” he says. “Mostly I just think about the dick-sucking part. Like… what does it feel like? Is it difficult? Does everyone taste dif—”

Kun coughs. “Okay, okay, I don’t think we need to go into detail.”

Chenle sits up, eyes glinting with the excitement of a bad idea. “Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it? Not even once?”

“I…”

Kun flushes, unsure of how to answer. To be entirely accurate, he hasn’t just thought about what it would feel like to suck someone’s dick. He knows from experience.

He doesn’t really want to tell Chenle that, however.

“You have!” Chenle crows. “I knew it.”

“No you didn’t,” Kun replies, mostly for the sake of protesting.

“I totally did. Anyway, that’s not the interesting part. Whose dick have you thought about sucking? You have to tell me now.”

Kun turns sharply towards Chenle, rife with indignation. “I am not telling you that!”

“Why? You gotta!”

“ _No!_ ”

Chenle pouts and drops back against the mattress. His head thumps against a pillow and he sighs. “No fun,” he says, mouth still turned down in a sulky pout.

There’s a blissful few seconds of silence that follows. Kun thinks maybe he’s escaped having to continue their conversation any further.

Then Chenle says, “I’ll tell you who I’ve thought about.”

“I don’t—”

“Taeyong, of course; Jaehyun, of course. Lucas for like… two seconds, but then I pictured him trying to talk to me during and I couldn’t take it seriously. Who else? Oh yeah, Jeno Lee—that was weird too, but only later, and then…”

With every name said, Kun’s eyes grow wider, hardly able to comprehend the ease with which Chenle could be telling him details so intimately personal.

At the same time, with every name comes an omission that makes his heart drop traitorously.

“Wow,” he says, trying to keep his voice even. “That’s quite a roster.”

“You think?” Chenle sits up, and Kun doesn’t think he can look at him now without the safety of distance. “I think it’s pretty random, mostly. I don’t know that if any of them actually offered I would go through with it.”

“That’s…”

“Do you want to know who I think of the most?”

Chenle shifts closer, too close, and Kun can’t do anything but hold his breath waiting for what’s coming next.

“You.”

Kun exhales. “That’s not true.”

“It is.”

It can’t be. Kun shakes his head. “You don’t mean it.”

“Why?”

Kun can’t answer him. He can think of nothing to say that will lead them to steadier ground. Every option feels either too false or too incriminating.

“I trust you, you know,” says Chenle. “More than anyone else.”

Kun looks at Chenle now, an irrational sense of hurt making him stupid. “Oh, so I’m the safe option then? You can’t count on anyone else, but you can count on me?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Chenle’s expression is surprisingly patient. Something about it makes Kun feel as though he’s been preparing for this moment; as though he has a plan he intends to follow through with, regardless of interruption.

“Do you want to know why I think of you the most?” Chenle says. “I think of you the most because I can actually picture it. How you’d be so tense at first, and how I’d have to keep touching you so you’d know everything’s okay. And your face would be all flushed and cute, and I know I would want to make fun of you, but that would mean taking my mouth off your dick and I don’t think I would want that.”

“Chenle—”

“I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to fuck my mouth because you’d be too afraid of hurting me, but that’s what I want. I really want that, you know? I want to see the Kun who only cares about himself, who doesn’t care if he might be hurting someone else. Because I know you would never hurt me unless I asked for it.”

“Chenle, stop.”

The silence feels worse than continuing to listen to Chenle speak. Now it’s on Kun to take the lead, and he feels woefully inadequate to do so.

“You can’t say stuff like that,” he says.

“Why not?”

“Because then…” Kun sighs, feeling frustrated. “Then I’ll start thinking you really mean it. And you can’t.”

“But I do mean it.” Chenle shrugs, as though what he’s saying is the simplest thing in the world. “You’re hot and I like you. What else can I say?”

Kun stares at him for a long moment. “I can’t…”

“It’s okay if you can’t right now. I can wait.” Chenle smiles at him, and it’s a little bit heart-breaking. “One day you’ll be ready.”

Kun looks down at his lap, and despite himself, he feels a small smile tug at the corners of his lips.

“Yeah,” he says softly. “One day.”


End file.
